Alone by Neil Blake

Now that I am back in Sudbury, alone, I’m finding the time so long now that I am back. There is admittedly a lot that I am really missing from the Westcoast. Everything from the sushi, to the coffee. Actually, wow! Do I ever miss the coffee.

While Cannabis is a small bush, Coffee is s a beautiful tree that grows in the jungle, from Columbia to Costa Rica and I really love both. Because of the world we live in where fresh coffee is shipped around the world to then get roasted and brewed fresh locally. Even in a little city in Northern Ontario, Canada, like Sudbury. at anytime of the year.

I’m very happy right now though because I found this amazing coffee shop called “Old Rock”. I ordered a triple shot americano and damn! There’s that flavour I was missing!

I’m definitely coming back here for coffee tomorrow!

Trailer Times by Neil Blake

So, when I was out west, especially at first, I’d try to get out camping as much as I could. I had done tons of camping on fishing trips with my Grandpa and uncles all over the place! From as close to home as Ramsey Lake is in Sudbury, to as remote as way up in northern Quebec!

While my parents do have a (pontoon) boat, they usually use it for cruising around and enjoying the weather.

Thankfully, we got everything all cleaned up and put away for the season, although one last trip will be required to disconnect the water and make sure everything is drained out properly so that it doesn’t freeze and potentially damage anything.

My parents will be heading back one final time for the season, but I’ll be staying home and resting, so please feel free to get in contact with me if you are anywhere around and would like to meet up for coffee and catch up.

Memories by Neil Blake

This morning before leaving the house, Don came in to my room to let me know that if I wanted to sell any of my old (‘40s, ‘50s) hockey cards, that I should hurry up and find them! He had a friend stopping by so if I wanted to sell them, it would be an opportunity to show them to someone who would be interested in taking a look at them and potentially buying them from me.

The only problem was that I needed to find them! I headed back to my old room where I knew there was a box of old memories from as far back as my raver days. One of those things was my ticket to a “rave” called “A Dream One Summer” in Toronto back in 1999, and from that very same summer, was ‘Bal en blanc’ in Montreal.

What I love about finding these things is the amazing memories with different people from a very different time of my life where my biggest problem was learning new epic, for me anyway, dance moves to “cut the rug” with.

As I’m sitting here at “Kuppajo” writing this post, these memories just bring tears to my eyes and it’s getting really, really annoying. It’s stuff like this that just ends up making me want to move back to Vancouver.

Change my mind by Neil Blake

I’ve been back to Sudbury for 9 months already and yet, I still feel as alone here as when I arrived. Everything around me here reminds me of days that I absolutely enjoyed as much as I could, not realizing how much I would miss times like that. They were some of the best days I will hopefully never forget how good they were.

Unfortunately though, so much has so drastically while I was living out west that I don’t even feel anywhere close to how I used to feel when I lived here. Now that I am back, it sure as fuck doesn’t even come close to feeling like how it used to! I know myself well enough to know I wouldn’t be having anywhere near as hard of a time if there was someone I could go and crawl into bed and cuddle up with.

One massive part that I totally underestimated was how badly depression would affect me. As someone who knew people who had been through depression before, but I think that symptom should be talked about a lot more, especially at the support group meetings.

EnD of summer by Neil Blake

I really don’t like seeing things like this, but we are all bound to see it sooner or later. The days have just barely begun getting shorter, it’s barely noticeable, but oh yes, I’ve definitely noticed it already. Now, the changes in temperatures also help convincing me that winter is not too far away.

If I can’t get back to Vancouver before it starts getting cold, I’m going to have to head south. I really should start looking into that!

I see, i see by Neil Blake

I’ve been back to living in Sudbury for about 9 months now, and I guess because of the help and support my family has given me, I have been able to get a little closer to finally get over my past mistakes, which is exactly why i find being back to Sudbury so fucking hard. Every time I try to go somewhere, a whole bunch of memories come jumping right back up! I HATE it!

For example, lately I keep remembering times I had with various girlfriends over the years which were not all are good, but even the best memories hurt like hell today!

Go! by Neil Blake

So, it’s already noon, and I haven’t done anything so far today, except get dressed, check my bank account and lay on the couch.

It’s a gorgeous day outside today, so I’m going to do one quick dab, and head out on a walk. Have a great day everyone!

Breakdown by Neil Blake

I find it easier thinking about what MS has done to me and my life, than even thinking about what I, by very far, will regret the most of all my time on earth.

For me, it is definitely something that taught me A LOT about love, life and myself. I think the breakdown I had the other day is exactly what I needed to help me.

It was definitely hard, but that’s probably because it took me so long to get down and actually do the emotional processing that needed to be done.

Waiting by Neil Blake

Until I can get back to the gym, I feel like my days here are so, I don’t know. I guess “confusing” would be quite fitting when trying to figure out how I feel about the fact that I am back in Sudbury.

Lost by Neil Blake

I had an appointment with my neurologist yesterday in Bracebridge, and while we were all in her office saying our final words to each other, the power went out! We waited around for a little while waiting for it to come back on, but it ended up never coming back before we left.

Unfortunately for me, be everything was now pitch black, it meant that ended up forgetting my headphones and water bottle.

It won’t be long before I get my things back!

Last Cheat week by Neil Blake

Before the surgery I had 5 weeks ago that made it impossible to work out, I had been doing exactly that, and the pounds were just dropping off in big ways. I haven’t worked out since I was operated on and I can totally say this honestly

Northland Lodge by Neil Blake

Stunning Saturday at the trailer with my parents. I just finished adding a picture of my view right now at Northland Lodge where I am sitting in front of the fire while medicating by smoking a freshly rolled joint. I mean, how much more perfect can it get? Actually, I do have a few ideas, but can only do one thing at a time.

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Plaintext by Neil Blake

I opened up an app that I hadn’t used in a very long time and found a note that I had ment to publish somewhere around 5 years ago that never ended up making it to published, so here it is:

“Well, on Friday, I went to speak to our VP of HR about the possibility of returning to software development. Something is about to change in the very near future, I can feel it.

I just joined tinder. I am also currently on match, but just wanted to try tinder and see what happens and to meet new people. 

My date on Thursday is from Abbotsford.”

Shatterday by Neil Blake

I’m just going to call today Shatterday because that is what today will be all about for me until my parents get back home later today.